LEAVE YOUR BIBLES AT HOME

For the first time in five years, I’m not packing for Zumba® Convention.  Believe it or not, I’m kind of relieved.   I’m getting old, y’all, and the thought of shaking my honey pot for four days straight seems downright EXHAUSTING.  Plus, my Z clothes no longer fit….and that’s all I’ll say about that.  As my news feed is being filled with ZumbaCon chatter...I started thinking about all the things I’ve learned and experienced at past conventions.

While having attended four previous Zumba® Conventions doesn’t make me an expert by ANY means, I do carry a perspective that might be helpful for some of you in the midst of packing your bags – in particular, those of you with a faith background.  I’ve seen a few social media conversations about how to approach the “wild” Zumba crowd as a Believer, and I’d like to offer my thoughts.

This is a short list…dedicated to all my Bible-thumpin homies out there.

THINGS CHRISTIANS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ZUMBA CONVENTION:

1. YOU WILL LEARN MORE THAN YOU EVER WANTED TO LEARN.  If there ever was a convention dedicated to learning how to party – this is it.  And it truly is learning.  Each session is jam-packed with new moves, new music, celebrity-status ZES, and an occasional smoke machine.  You will SCREAM when the presenters hit the stage.  You won’t actually even know why.  You may or may not pass out from excitement or exhaustion, but hear me say:  YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO PARTY.  And, I might add, you will love it.
2. YOU WILL SEE A LOT OF SKIN.  This is the part of convention that has me worried for the bright-eyed first-timer from the heart of Bible-Belt, USA.  There is quite a bit of care and creativity that goes into assembling the perfect convention outfit – and God love the creatives!  It helps to remember that Zumba® Convention becomes a true melting pot for different cultures, nationalities, styles, trends, etc.—you will see it all.  And I mean “it” ALL.  People of faith, let me be clear:  do not be awkward about this.  Do not gawk.  Do not cover your eyes.  Do not grab your friend’s arm and whisper in her ear.  Scantily clad doesn’t mean “predator” in Zumbland, so be okay with the cardigan you are wearing over that Zumba tank –and if you’re really feelin’ it TAKE THAT CARDIGAN OFF!  (Side note:  the concerts and themed parties tend to be more skin-focused than regular sessions.  If you’re visually sensitive, maybe skip these events.)
3. YOU WILL NOT SLEEP.  And you will be exhausted.  Bring your energy shakes and commit to the fact that sleep is for the weak.  There are pre-parties, party-parties, and post-parties.  There are hotel lobby parties (the hotel bar is a blast, BTW) and hotel room parties.  And they’re worth attending— great for people watching.  Last year, there was only ONE person I wanted to meet (Alejandro, anyone?!), and I found him at 2 am in the hotel bar leading the masses in one of his routines.  IT WAS A BLAST.  Please know that the plane ride home will be brutal.  You will be sleep deprived and So. Very. Tired. of people…and the person you came with will smell like hotel food..and the only thing you’ll want is YOUR PJS AND YOUR BED.  My suggestion is to turn to your travel mate, grab her hand and whisper in her ear, “I’m not talking to you the whole trip home.”  Then kiss her forehead and go night night.
4. LINES, LINES, EVERYWHERE LINES.  Two conventions ago I found myself standing in a line for no reason.  Everyone was just lined up…so I did too. (Ended up being the line to take a photo with the shirtless Beto.) If you are working on patience, you will learn all about it at convention.  Some sessions will have lines – wait in them.  The stampeded is forming to rush the stage as the doors open and it’s your only shot at front row diva-ship.  LISTEN CAREFULLY:  YOUR WATER BOTTLE WILL NOT SAVE YOUR SPOT AT CONVENTION.  Don’t even think about it. If you want to save your friend a spot, your best bet is to drop down in the side splits and pretend you’re stretching.  Lord help you if your friend is late and you’re stuck in the splits.  The other popular line you’ll see is for the Zumba® Store.  I was totally over the shopping hoopla by Convention 4, but I waited for over and hour Convention 1,2 AND 3.  The result of that shopping binge was an immediate phone call to my husband for the credit card damage.
5. LEAVE YOUR JUDGMENT AT HOME.  I’ll be honest, there’s a lot to judge at Zumba® Convention.  The gal who’s wearing that but shouldn’t be.  The twerk action.  The groupies.  The exhibitionists.  The divas.  The partiers.  The party-crashers.  The suck ups.  The show offs.  They all get good representation, and you will just need to withhold your judgment. You paid good money to be part of an EXPERIENCE…and they did too.  Enjoy yourself and be okay with your bubble that keeps getting pricked.
6. LEAVE YOUR BIBLES AT HOME.  This is totally tongue in cheek.  Of course I don’t literally mean abandon your bibles.  I just want to encourage you to take part in the experience and don’t view Zumba® Convention as a meat market for salvations.  Be open to meeting new people, learning from others, and engaging in conversations about anything and everything – you’ll be amazed at how Jesus can shine through you even without ending every conversation with the question, “Has anyone told you the Good News?”

I hope those of you going to Zumba® Convention have a freaking blast.  Wait….I KNOW you will.  Just stick to the suggestions outlined above and don’t forget to scream without reason when you get a chance.

Just for grins….upload your convention photos with the hashtag #JesusLovesZumbaCon and let’s just see what happens.  ;)  I’ll be checking daily.

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