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June 2, 2015

LOVE RULES: Eye Contact Matters

By Angela Beeler

All month long we're sharing ways to build community and intentionally love others.  We're excited about discussing some of the #LoveRules that exist in the REFIT® community, and we hope that these simple yet practical rules will help you love those around you.

Our first Love Rule is super simple:  EYE CONTACT MATTERS.  Watch the video and then answer the questions below.

https://youtu.be/RDrJRaWW0a8

  • If you've been guilty of unintentional negative forms of eye contact (The Overlooker, The Look Awayer), can you identify WHY you do this?  Fear?  Insecurity?  Busyness?
  • Can you describe a time in which someone's eye contact made you feel "seen" and "known"?
  • What is your "LOOK OF LOVE"?  For example, when are you most willing and able to give someone direct eye contact? And under what circumstances?

Join the discussion by leaving a comment!!

We can't wait to hear your thoughts and opinions about making eye contact with people.

Love you guys...

22 COMMENTS

Ada Velez

10 years ago

I find myself doing that too Tracy. I find myself looking down mostly. Especially when the other person keeps eye contact with me "too long". Then I get nervous and lose my train of thought and next thing I know, I'm shuffling to find my words or I start to ramble.

Stacy Seguin

10 years ago

I have experienced all levels of eye contact spoken of in the video. The example of when I give my most attention to another person is when someone come to me with an issue in their life that they feel needs to be heard. In the field of study I am in(Counseling) when meeting with a client it is very important to make eye contact so that the client feels like they are being heard and understood. Looking at them with compassion for their situation shows them that you care enough to listen to their every word. Life outside the office is the same way, giving eye contact even with no verbal cues tells a person what kind of mood you are in. When I feel confident within myself that is when I make the most eye contact with people. When I don't have this confidence then I shy away praying that no one sees the real me through my eyes. Many people in society respond this way. We don't realize it because we don't take time to recognize it. I'm excited about this months daily #LoveRules because I get to share it with everyone. Last night I shared this one concept as a student with my entire class at Hardin Simmons University. My professor was impressed! Way to go ladies, your message is being heard beyond the walls of REFIT classes! Stacy

Cherri

10 years ago

I'm working on being better with this during my classes. I find myself looking through my group, but have been trying to make myself engage them more. It's worth it, because I think they respond better when I do this. Thanks for the heads up!!

Angela

10 years ago

That's powerful, Jennifer!

Angela

10 years ago

I'm going to have to Check out this show!! Sounds like something I'd enjoy...

Angela

10 years ago

Listen with your eyes. That's priceless...and convicting. I love that!

Angela

10 years ago

Wow! I never thought about the doggie eye contact!! So true!

Sandy

10 years ago

...when students come to talk to me*** Oops! Going too fast!

Sandy

10 years ago

I teach fitness classes (for fun and fitness) and college students (for a living) and I love both! When (college) students comes to talk to me in my office, I do so much better with eye contact if I will turn off my computer screen and/or move out from behind my desk and sit with them face to face instead of using the desk as a barrier and the computer as a distraction! When I make that simple move, I can tell they really appreciate it! Thanks for the reminder to keep doing that. Have you ever thought about why your dog ALWAYS looks you in the eyes (at least my doggies do, when they haven't just done something naughty!)? Unconditional love!!!

Roxie Simmons

10 years ago

I am an overlooker plain and simple. I do a lot in a day with a full time job, husband, three kids, volunteer work, and all the extracurricular activities. I have so many things going at once sometimes I forget to stop, LOOK, and listen to what the people around me are doing and saying to me. One of the men in our church gave a great example of being intentional with your relationships and eye contact. He was having a conversation with his 7 year old daughter and she kept repeating the same thing, "daddy, listen to me!" and he would respond "I am" and finally exasperated she responded. "No daddy, listen to me with your eyes!" That has stuck with me and its the type of listener I want to be. Not an overlooker.

Eugenia Wang

10 years ago

I recently discovered a TV show (WWYD) or What Will You Do on YouTube and learned some ways to be more proactive. I think many of us are so overwhelmed with our own daily demands, we often look away so we will not have to get involved. The show has taught me it is important to reach out and help someone in need because that someone(or even yourself) may be in need of help one day and I am sure you would want someone to reach out to you. What amazes me even more is to find out what some people do when they think no one's watching. This article along with the show inspires me to pay more attention to my surroundings and to lend a helping hand to those in need when I hear or see something that is out of the norm.....Thank you guys for posting this message.....It clearly needs to be heard by everyone since we are all part of the community.

Jennifer Watson

10 years ago

I have struggled with looking people in the eyes when speaking to them for years. Mainly out of fear and insecurity. The day I graduated High School my dad was there (he never attended anything) and he looked right at me with a big smile on his face! I felt so good being seen by him! I make a point to make eye contact with my husband and children when giving words of affirmation and telling them I love them. Now to work on not being an overlooker! Thank you for the encouragement!

Angela Beeler

10 years ago

I"ve been the recipient of that and gosh, it's hard to want to talk to that person when they don't feel like they are "there" with me! Good advice here...

Angela Beeler

10 years ago

Becky, I look away too! It's so hard...and that's the exact situation I was thinking of when I wrote out that example. We're all a work in progress, aren't we?

Tracy Swager

10 years ago

One of the things I have noticed recently about myself is during conversations, if I am weighing my words or searching for wording, I look away/beyond/behind the person I am talking with. It is so distracting for the person! I've noticed them looking behind thinking someone else is there. I'm working on this! It's an eye contact habit I have allowed when my brain is trying to figure out what to say.

Becky Wright

10 years ago

I am a huge look awayer when it comes to someone asking for money on a street corner...I'm sure I'm not the only one! It is that thought of don't make eye contact and they won't expect anything from you. This is definitely something I'm working on because they are probably the people that need love the most! I also am an overlooker when leading a song during Refit...I think that's from my choir days where we were taught to sing over the crowds head to sing to everyone. As for a time eye contact has been given, I have received that in class from you all, whether it's a wink or a smile, I feel acknowledged that I'm doing well! And, I think I give the most eye contact when I share something personal with someone, not just the information but that relationship is personal, which is why there is that look away from someone I don't know. It's definitely easier with family, especially my kids...this morning I did exactly what you said and grabbed my oldest by his face, kissed him goodbye, and told him to have an awesome day before his daddy took him to school!

Angela Beeler

10 years ago

It's HARD! But eye contact is a really easy change to implement...I believe in you!

Angela Beeler

10 years ago

We once heard someone say that "you'll find whatever you're looking for" and I think if we actively walk around looking for ways to intentionally love people -- we'll find opportunities to do so!

Angela Beeler

10 years ago

Thanks, Judy! We're excited about this campaign, too! It's a heartfelt one!

Brenda Carlson

10 years ago

Thank you for this! So often I don't want to take the time to engage people and I KNOW I need to be more intentional about seeing those right in front of me. Thanks for the reminder on our kids too, I needed that!

Brooke Donner

10 years ago

I think Catherine nailed it in regards to the Look Awayer, if they don't see me SEE them, then I'm off the hook and don't have to help or give attention to something that might be uncomfortable for me. When you are sharing something personal to someone, it makes the world of difference if they look you in the eye. You feel heard, understood, important and loved. And the opposite is true too. I'm going to be very intention this month about making eye contact while at work. Usually when I walk through the shop towards my office I look down and scoot thru, this month I'm making the change. I'm excited to see what/how this will impact my life at work.

Judy Taylor

10 years ago

Love the new campaign....."they will know we are Christians by our love"!

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