SAYING YES TO SMALL FRIENDSHIPS

This summer was an intentional season of "letting go and going deep," and I started with my friends. At the beginning of summer, I asked a few families to commit to a weekly dinner together. I intentionally kept the group small and purposed to be present over perfect.

You see, I am a chronic “gatherer.” I often find myself hosting but seldom participating. Inviting but seldom invited. Hidden in the midst of many and rarely myself in the midst of few. And almost always --exhausted by entertaining.

In my summer season of “letting go”, I let go of the pressure to entertain all the people all the time, and instead chose a few families to share a small, sacred space with.

This group wasn’t intended to exclude, as much as it was to retreat, refresh and refuel. I needed people who needed each other.

I needed friends who carried conversation when I wanted to be silent.

I needed to stop entertaining and be part of the experience.

I needed to go deep with a few rather than wide with the masses.

Deep calls unto deep for a reason, and this summer was my season to go deep. Here I sit at the end of the season, thankful for listening to what I needed and asking for it, but most importantly -- refueled, refreshed and recharged.

I believe in creating places of belonging for people. This belief is evident in both the REFIT community and in my personal life. I believe everyone desires and deserves to have a friend group, and I love knowing that REFIT is creating these opportunities for people. But there is an appropriate "letting go" that needs to happen when one needs to circle the wagons in pursuit of intimate moments and sacred spaces.

The truth is you can’t belong to all the things, have all the friends or be a friend to all without exhausting and depleting yourself. This constant "doing" is a slow undoing of yourself.

If you don’t have a small sacred space to share life with others, might I make a suggestion? Put yourself out there. Ask for it. Find people who need people. Be intentionally small. (And for heaven sake— stop looking at Instagram and believing the lie that everyone has a friend group except you. It’s not true.)

Invite someone to dinner. Text a friend for coffee. Reconnect with a lost relationship. Show up for the things you’re invited to. Stop building walls of protection. Start making time for physical connections.

Ask and you shall receive.

Seek and you will find.

Risk and reap the rewards.

Trust me on this one.